People Fascinate Me: Exhibit A

...so I'm at the gym. I'm sitting at my stationary bicycle station. Headphones in. My iPod on the loudest volume possible. I have my water in the water bottle holder and I have my book (a collection of short stories by Neil Gaiman, the guy who wrote Coraline) on the little ledge of the screen. I also have 4 screens of TV in front and above me with four different shows playing. Clearly, I intend to have myself set up for as much distraction as possible. I switch back and forth between changing songs, watching TV and reading a short story.

20 minutes into my cyclation, listening to "Mouth" - by Bush - a pretty motivating gym song, this crazy-haired Asian guy sits at the bike directly next to me (even though there is a line of 9 empty bikes in a row - all perfectly functional). It's obvious to me, but not so much to him, that whoever sat at that bike before him was much short than him, as he is way too close to the screen and his knees hit the handles as he spins. I can see his routine out of the corner of my eye. He keeps turning his head directly to look at me, after which he races, spinning top speed for about 30 seconds, then he claps, and possibly cheers (I can't hear because of my headphones, but his mouth is definitely moving).

After a few of these cycles he leans closer to me during his head-turn-and-stare-at-me step, and he taps me on the shoulder and says something. He makes a face like he's looking for a response. I take out one headphone and make the most pissed off face possible and say "Pardon?" as rude and perturbed sounding as I can possibly utter. "Can I check out your book?" he screams. At this point, I notice everyone in the gym with and without headphones is staring at us, leading me to the conclusion that he's been asking me this for a while, and keeps getting louder. "Sure."

I put my headphones back in and see him flip through and read my book while rocking himself in the bike and laughing hysterically from the corner of my eye. He puts the book back on the ledge and I assume he's just saying thanks so I don't take my headphones off again. I smile politely and then draw my eyes to the TVs, hoping he'll go away. Another tap on my arm. Angrily and violently I take one earbud out and turn violently. "DO YOU LIKE MAGIC?!!!" he screams at me. I calmly turn my head, put the earbud back in and continue ignoring him for another 15 minutes of bike ride before he leaves for another machine or victim, trying desperately not to laugh until after he leaves.