Survival of the Most Creative: Musings from the 57 Bus

by Julie, guest blogger

Ask any public transportation commuter, and you will find that every route has its fair share of characters. Maybe to some it's just an everyday occurrence, simply what you get for taking the bus or train. But to me, getting to know this cast of characters is a matter of survival on a city bus. If I had to take the 57 (read: 7+ miles of stop-and-go traffic through three of Boston's most obnoxious neighborhoods) without having the players, I'd probably throw myself under the bus' giant tires.

So, without further ado, here it is, the ever-expanding cast list:

• Nose-picking guy: While a surprising number of bus patrons think they're invisible and can go at their noses without being seen, this guy is a regular offender. He sat next to me once, and I body slammed the bus wall trying to stay away from his contact.
• The entire student body from a local English language-learning school: When they all talk at once, I'm scared. I feel like I'm in one of those Spanish game shows and some guy in a chicken suit is going to start throwing watermelons at me, or something equally weird and painful.
• Paranoid hippy: He needs no explanation. Too much LSD.
• Grandma death: I feel mean, but this woman really personifies death. In addition to her hollow eye sockets (I'm serious), she wears plaid fleece pants and has shoes with no soles. It's kind of sad. Actually, I haven't seen her on the bus for awhile...
• Talking/lonely dude: We've ALL seen this guy before. Avoid eye contact at all costs or else he will engage you in meaningless conversation about nonsense. No one is safe.
• Bus stop begger: This woman is relentless about asking drivers to create new stops for her. I once heard her offer a driver "a million dollars to stop right now." Next she'll offer to be his best friend!
• The baby that screams, and his deaf nanny: I've never heard a child burst out into such random, unpredictable, incredibly loud screeches. It's a wonder the driver doesn't swerve off the road. And Satan's nanny? Doesn't even flinch.
  
• Old pop music girl: This girl consistently blasts crappy old pop music. When the bus gets quiet, we can all hear you listening to Chumbawumba. Ouch.
• (Old pop music girl's soulmate) Extremely loud rap music boy: No matter how high you turn that puppy up, we're still in Allston, not Harlem.
• Julie Benz: Yes, the actress who played Dexter's wife is in fact on my bus every morning.
• Fat Jim Halpert: This guy looks like The Office fave leveraged a lot of food.
• And many more, less interesting people.
  

So boys and girls, here's your lesson: the more you look at public transportation patrons and judge them, create stories for them, and silently compare to them celebrities, the happier more tolerable your ride will be.