Life Plan

ME: Wanna fake our own deaths and move to somewhere tropical and become hippies with me? I'm beyond over it all.

EL: Yes I'm totally down

How will we die?

ME: Juicy affair with married politician or CEO gone sour?

Thelma and Louise style drive off bridge.  We'll plant spiders in the car so CSI will blame that and not think it's suicide [or a faked death.]

EL: That's perfect.  Everyone knows I'm deathly afraid they'll never suspect.

ME: Exactly! We can use my car, it already had a spider in it once, so it's tainted with spider DNA and seamen for the CSIs to find under blacklight to determine [cause of death.]

EL: I will start looking for identities to steal so we can purchase plane tickets for when we move to Cabo.

ME: Ok, I'll research good car diving bridges near sharks or gators and start working on removing molars or evidence to ID us as the victims of this spidercrime. 

EL: Perfect plan. Phase 1 starts now. 

more doods

self portrait dream studio

I keep having weird, vivid, chillingly realistic dreams. I decided to put a notepad next to my bed so that I could write them down and remember more of them.  Instead of writing down my dreams, I drew two pictures in the middle of the night - mid sleep, I guess.

One was actually a sketch of something in my dream. I dreamt I had this art studio - the drawing actually helped me remember this dream that I might have forgotten.  My art studio was huge, infinite ceiling, enormous amounts of storage space, tons of work space and every art supply anyone could think of.  Here's my mid-sleep/dream sketch of a piece of the ginormic studio:

I also drew a self portrait, I suspect.

monologue

cover illustration for the story of princess bonus

just some doodle faces

I brainstorm-daydream ways to end my life when conference rooms or offices don't have windows** that open.

**because hurling myself out the window would be the best option.
I could...

• Hang myself with a phone cord noose, computer cord noose, ethernet cord, paper clip string noose
• Smash my head through a desktop computer screen or projector
• Stab myself in the ears with my dull scissors
• Drink all of the liquid white out in the office, granted there's enough for a fatal dose
• Remove my eyeballs, nose and ears with my staple remover
• Break the communal candy bowl and swallow the glass shards
• Eat the food (let's call it the "recession special") in the fridge that no one throws away that was left there over a year ago by people who got laid off
• Utilizing the dirty George Foreman grill in the office kitchen to grill my head, or at least sustain enough 4th degree burns so that my life is over
• Remove the flowers from my associate's vase, then drown myself in the remaining flower water
  
• String an entire box of 100+ count paper clips, swallow it
• Lock myself in a giant metal cabinet until air runs out
  
Smash a lightbulb, resulting in either death by fire or enough shattered glass to slit some serious skin*
Eat one/several of the whiteboard markers (this is long, slow, and painful, but will eventually do the job)*
Staple myself to death*
Strangulation with any number of cords--internet, conf. call phone lines, battery--all works the same*
Asphyxiation via the bag in the trash can*
• Pouring water from my water bottle on my hand and proceeding to stick it in one of the outlets*

*by jherm

NOTE:I know there have to be things I could do with a rolling chair, but I can't wrap my mind around that yet - I always try to work that one out and end up with other crazy ideas from that. As of now, I'm thinking something along the lines of assisted suicide. Like having someone push me on a rolling executive chair into a wall at really high speeds repeatedly until death do us part.

this is not the time or place for illustrations but I won't rule it out.