I hate those stupid Dove heart shaped chocolates that have inspirational sayings on them like "Every day is a blessing" and "Cherish the ones you love" and "You're beautiful inside and out." The candies themselves are delicious. But I can't bring myself to buy them, because I know that the positive message is going to ruin the taste of the chocolate for me and probably ruin my day.
I suggest they come up with some alternative packaging for those of us who are less optimistic. A lot of people dislike cheesey sayings and inspirational quotes. Here are my suggestions for a new line of messages inside the wrappers:
- This will go straight to your ass.
- Keep eating fatty.
- Chocolate does not make up for the fact that he left you.
- Everybody dies.
- Caught in the act... emotional eater.
- S my D
- No one cares about your problems.
- Deal with it.
- Good thing you skipped the gym today.
- Need a tissue?
- Pipe down.
- Sir, do not get loud.
- Always eating.
- Stop lying to yourself.
- Save up.
- The only thing a know-it-all doesn't know, is that no one likes them.
- You're probably the Karen (the friend that nobody likes).
- People in hell want ice water.
- Keep pretending that things could be worse.
I think some sarcastic silver linings could also be included in this too.
...more to be added later
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